“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” ~Washington Irving
I visited Mom this afternoon. She was in bed sleeping peacefully. I talked with her nurse Kacey for a bit, and Mom woke up & said, “Oh, hi!” and smiled when she saw me. I sat on the edge of her bed and held her hand. She fell back asleep. A few minutes later, she woke up again & said, “Oh, hi!” and smiled when she saw me. Her life is Groundhog Day. Over and over again. But I’m grateful that she gets joy from seeing my face, even if she doesn’t know who I am.
When I left, I sat in my car and cried. Hard. I cried for so many reasons. I cried because of what she’s going through. I cried because she keeps fighting to not let go. I cried because she doesn’t deserve this. I cried that I’m lucky enough to have her as my mom. I cried wishing her peace. I cried knowing that she’ll be reunited with my dad. And I cried to cry. I haven’t really let myself cry about her, but it felt good.
I’m sure one day I’ll look back on this period in my life and think about how much stronger it made me. But for right now, I just want my mom. ❤️
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